If you would have asked me a year ago. I would have told you that I'm a very trusting person. I would have told you that I know who I can trust and that I am good at trusting. I would have probably told you that 6 months ago. But ... I think I was wrong. I think I am only trully beginning to learn what trust means and how to give that trust.
So I'm basically still a newlywed (yes, you can roll your eyes, or say aawww here). What that means for me, after being single for 30 years is that I'm used to doing things my way, and making my own decisions. I consulted others, yes. I spent time praying about my choices, yes, but when all was said and done the decisions were mine. Now? Now I'm half of a whole. That means that we make decisions together and that I have to trust that we will come to the best conclusions together. I also believe that my husband is the head of our house and that my job is to support him. (no, I'm not belittling my position or telling you that everything he says goes, but I do believe that's what God's plan is for marriage). Sometimes our husbands need us to trust them. I believe they need us to let them know that we believe in them, that they are doing the best they can for our family and that we fully support them.
That's the tricky part for me. Maybe it's the giving of myself. Maybe it's the feeling of losing control but ultimately it's trust. Do I trust my husband enough that he will take care of us? Do I trust that he has our best interests in mind?
As I've been considering this lately, I've realized that it's not trusting in me, or my husband, but it comes down to trusting in God. Do I trust that God has a plan for me/us? When something comes up that shakes (even just a little) my comfortable life, do I trust that He has a plan that will see me through? A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend about this and she basically laid it out for me. She told me that I'm not trusting in the one who has given all for me. Wow, that's an eye opener! I don't know about you but I don't like to be told things like.. well, like that. I want to think that I'm always doing things that are pleasing to my Father. I want to think that I do trust him and that whenever something happens I'll go to him and walk in faith.
Here's what I'm learning. I would do that if it was a major thing. If it was a point where I had no where to turn but to Him. But when it comes to day to day life, I like to keep that in my own hands. that's where I'm sorely lacking. If you'd like to know how that's going for me- the keeping life in my own hands (but pretending that I'm giving it to God)... not so well. I'm falling hard. It's not fun. But I'm learning!
"trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight" Prov 3:5-6
That's pretty basic and easy right? I've been working on even just breathing that silent prayer.. God I trust in you. I know He's hearing my prayers and I know in my head that He will walk me through everything, so now I'm working on moving it to my heart.
My friends. I am thankful for you. I'm going to take the Christmas holidays off as well, but I'll ask that you pray for me. Pray that I'll continue to learn what it means to trust in the Lord with all of my heart.... And I'll be praying for you and thanking God for all of you!
Merry Christmas siestas. :)
Love,
Shan
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