Sunday, April 18, 2010

So long, farewell....

Are you singing the rest of the song from The Sound of Music? If not, read the title again and I bet you will be....

Okay, seriously I am saying "so long! farewell! peace out! good riddens (insert your own word here______)" to my insecurities. I am sending them packing and making sure they don't leave anything behind.

I have spent a lot of time praying this past week. Praying for friends, family, students, and myself. I have spent LOTS of time in my backyard just enjoying the many blessings that God has poured on me. I have dug into some of my favorite scripture and been taken into deeper levels of understanding of my faith.

But the biggest thing that has happened is saying "adios, ciao, aloha...." to some deep insecurities that I have harbored and allowed to define me for many years.

The last few chapters I have read dealt with men. This is an area that of my life that haunts me. Don't get me wrong, I have some AMAZING men in my life. But, I have allowed some men to tear me to pieces while doing the same to them. Specifically I let a very unhealthy relationship define me as a woman. I let satan use lie after lie after lie to lead me to believe that I am unworthy of healthy relationships, let alone, love. Listening and believing this has built up more scar tissue and insecurity than one person should ever have to deal with. I have known this was a struggle, but have continually pushed it to the back of my life (only to have it surface at inopportune moments over the past 10 years)!

Last week, I was laying in the backyard, basking in the sunshine when I was overwhelmed with peace. It's hard to describe. It was in the pit of my being. I knew. I just knew without a doubt that I am God's. I am HIS creation. I am HIS daughter. I have been bought at a price. I am FORGIVEN. And I need to forgive.

I did.

It was good.

Can't really describe it.

Satan has really been throwing crap at me, but I'm not scathed. I know who I am and I know WHOSE I am. I am a daughter of God. I am a beautiful child. I am worthy of love. I am a good friend. I am a dwelling place for the Holy Spirit. I am HIS.

And it feels good.

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