Friday, October 30, 2009

One person's trash is another's treasure...

A few weeks ago my mom's family spent some time cleaning out my grandparents garage and basement. My grandpa, like my mom, enjoys saving thing...lots of things. I am not saying this is all bad...actually it isn't all bad when that means you can go back to your old bedroom and it's pretty much just how you left it, with all of your old things on the shelves and clothes in the closet.

But my grandparents are needing to start the declutter and organize process. I know that this was probably hard for my grandma but it was especially difficult for my Pap. He did a great job watching people carry his belongings out to take with them or to the trash bin. At first I wasn't sure how much work they would be able to get done because I figured he would have to tell a story about everything they uncovered.

The more I went through this experience and have thought of it since that weekend, I realized a direct link that these feelings have towards my relationship with Christ.

There are a lot of attitudes and feelings that I have neatly packaged in boxes and stacked on the shelves of my heart. Waiting until just the moment when I (for whatever ridiculous humanly reason) decide that I want to uncover them, blow the dust off, and experience them all over again. Most of what I have stored is trash that I want to get rid of, but some of them still seem important to me, just like some of those belongings did to my Pap.

The good news,
I have a Savior that wants it trash is His "treasure" because
it releases another piece of my heart and soul
for Him to fill.

But what things were gain to me, I have counted loss for Christ. Phil. 3:7

Thanks for being who you are, for your salvatin, forgiveness and mercy. I love your Word and know that it will restore my heart. May my life bring glory to Your Name. Amen

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Good morning!!!

Good morning! It seems wierd to be saying that because I started typing this later in the evening but the reason I say good morning to you all is because I feel like I have awakened from an uneasy dream. One that in some ways doesn't seem real but you know you were in the middle of it and it had you somewhat uncomfortable.

Well, not to worry, I'm awake now and have seen the 'Joy of the morning'!!! I felt like God finally got thru to my questioning, hurting heart. I've also been taking the Beth Moore Stepping Up bible study at our church along with many of you. She said at the beginning that 'our God is a God of perfect timing'. I believe that! It has been just what I've needed. It has made me to see that I was allowing something to influence my faith song. I was allowing something to squelch my joy and passion. I realized especially after the last three weeks of the Stepping Up bible study that in a way 'the evil one' was winning or at least, gaining ground. I've wised up and realized that I was not handling myself as God expects when we say we are His. I was allowing some past hurts to influence my whole life, my attitude, and my reactions to some people. I was in some situations, not allowing God to pour His Perfect Love into my imperfect heart and love others thru me. So I'm working on that again but this time feel like I understand more what God can and will do thru me if I allow Him and it will be all good!!

The Steppin Up bible study came at just the right time and last week-end I got to put into practice what I learned with a few members of my extended family. I still struggled but kept telling God my complaints, didn't let things effect my usual mood and felt better. I tried to see them differently, to see them as God might see them, and to tell God he had to help me to love them, unconditionally. It helped. Praise God!!

Dear God, I thank you for the love you have for me and the love that you will help me to have for those I have difficulty loving. Help me to know how you want me to love those around me and to have a better attitude for everyone I meet. Help me to see all people as you see them. I know we are all sinners and need you! I praise you for loving me even when I am the most unlovely. I ask all this in your name, AMEN.

P.S. I'm a little sad because you all will be going to see Beth Moore in May in person, no less!! She truly has a heart for women and guiding us all in bible study so we will be closer to God. I have a super reason to miss tho,it is Alexis and Andy's wedding weekend so we will be busy and I'm sure having a great time ourselves, even in a way praising God for their new life together. If Beth asks about us, you tell her we're sorry we couldn't come this time.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

What do you do?

Ok, ladies... time for some more honesty from yours truly. It's been one week since we've ended up study... I miss it. I miss learning so much from the Word each week. (in addition to Sundays). And here's the thing. I have the hardest time to get myself IN the word when we are not in a study! I do get there. I do have prayer time. I have gotten on my face (a little) but there is nothing regulated, regular, and to be honest, quality.

I really would love to hear from you. Tell me your routine. Tell me your habits. Do you spend quiet time in the morning or night? Do you journal? Do you follow a devotion of some kind?

I used to journal on a regular basis. I would write my prayers and thoughts and verses that mean something to me. Today while cleaning I found my journals and I'm going to start that again. I have a specific faith journey I'm on and I know that it will be a great blessing to look back and see where He has taken me.

So please share some encouragement with everyone. Tell us what works for you- can't wait to hear!
UPDATED TO ADD: So I started journaling last night.. felt SO good! And got on my face this morning... Keep the ideas and suggestions coming!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Deborah's Wisdom

Last night, I read Caroline the story of Deborah out of her "Sweet Dreams Princess" devotion book. To be truthful, I was not very familiar with Deborah and her interaction with Barak. Here is a summary of the story, according to my daughter's Bible:

Deborah was a prophetess and judge of Israel. Deborah told Barak that God commands him to gather an army of men to defeat Jabin's army (the enemy). Barak was too scared to do this alone. He asks Deborah (a woman, mind you) to come with him; only then will he obey God's command. Deborah says sure she will go help him, but basically tells him he is silly to trust a woman instead of God. Deborah understood that no one is as wonderful and powerful as God.

I got to thinking about that story after I had read it to my daughter. Isn't it true that we sometimes turn to other people for support and advice before be turn to God? I know I have. Friends are important, but remembering to go to God first with our fears helps keep our priorities intact.

Deborah was a very wise woman. She knew, even though it an sometimes be scary to do what God asks, it is always the best thing to do. The biggest blessings come when we go to Him in prayer, read His word, and believe what He says is true.

Dear Lord, help me to remember that you are the most wonderful and wise friend that I have!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Prayer Update

Pat is in Ohio to visit with Linda and be with her family. I got a text from her earlier that said,

"She knew who I was. Squeezed my hand!"
What an awesome answer to prayers!? I know that the road is still a long one but this is just the kind of news we wanted! I thank you all for responding so quickly with prayers. Linda certainly can still use them, as well as Pat and her family.
***UPDATE: I talked to Pat shortly after posting this and she said that they took Linda off the ventilator this afternoon. She was doing well breathing on her own so far! Praise GOD! Also, and this is so exciting...a few times as the family was talking to her she would mouth words to them. When her daughter was leaving she told her that she and her kids loved her and Linda mouthed the word love. God is so good! I am praising Him again tonight for showing His awesome Healing Power, and that His will would continue to be done. YAY!
We thank you and praise you for the healing you have done in Linda's body. We know that you are still in the business of healing, what an awesome God you are. Thanks for revealing your power through her brief moments of response. I thank you for giving the family the blessing of time together and ask that you be with them. Keep them all safe as they travel to and from the hospital, keep the people near Linda away from the various sicky bugs that are going around and may they find rest in you. I ask especially that you continue to heal Linda's brain and that she would continue to grow stronger. Be with the doctors and nurses that are caring for her. May your will continue to be done in her life, in all of our lives. Amen

My Rock...

My desk quote thingy mabob had a great quote on it today.

It's a good thing to have all the props pulled out from under us occasionally.
It gives us some sense of what is rock under our feet, and what is sand.
Madeleine L'Engle
I feel like I could list many times in the last year that everything was pulled out from underneath me. And unfortunately when I am being honest with myself...they will be many times again on this earth. But today, I am thankful that when any and everything else is pulled away or out from underneath me, I still have something to stand on. That something is the Creator of this world, of me, and the Author of my life.

I want to live a life that praises His name and gives me the confidence to know that when all is stripped away...He still remains.

Let God be exalted,
The Rock of my salvation!
2 Samuel 22:47

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


Hi friends! I am hijacking the blog for a minute because I have to share our plans for the Spring Retreat!!! After much discussion and planning, I am happy to announce that for our spring retreat we are going to see BETH MOORE LIVE!!! Woo HOO!!

Can you tell I am jumping up and down yet? Okay, here are the details....

When: May 21 and 22 (Friday and Saturday) Leave at noon Friday and get home 6 p.m. on Saturday.

Where: Grand Rapids, Michigan

Cost: $150 (includes ticket to evening and morning with Beth, hotel room, transportation, dinner, and goodies)

This is going to be awesome!!!! Over the next month, we will be taking reservations for your spot on this retreat. All we need is a firm commitment and a $60 nonrefundable deposit (so we can order the tickets.) The rest you can pay 6 weeks before we go.

We would love for each of you to join us for this special time of worship and fellowship!


Last night was our last Bible study. I hate endings about as much as I hate change! :) I loved this study. I loved meeting with ladies who are from all different stages in life and sharing together. I loved watching Beth Moore, get excited and about jump out of her skin. Her love of God is contagious.

What's next for GLOW? Stay tuned... we are talking about this and will let you know as soon as we do. We'd love for you to join us on our next adventure. As for me, for now my life will be wrapped up in basketball and cheerleading and coordinating. (and mothering and wifing) I'm also going to work hard at getting down before God on a regular basis. What a great way to start a day.

Have a great day friends!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

A Verse For Today

Hi ladies!! I have just had a crazy busy last week or so. Doing Upward with Shannon, regular kids' activities, housework, errands, Bible Study, preparing meals, and last but not least, just spending time with my husband and kids---whew!!! My brain has not been able to think of an awesome blog this week. So I decided to open my Bible and see where the Lord takes me........

"Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you." (Jeremiah 32:17)

I am so happy that I serve a God who knows EXACTLY what I need. I kid you not, this is the first verse these tired eyes came across when I opened up my Bible. Just when I start to feel overwhelmed with stuff, God pulls me close and whispers, "Remember who is in charge here... don't try to take the weight of the world on your shoulders, dear one. I am capable of far more than you...."

Thank you God for that breath of life... the living word that freshens my soul.

I would love for you all to share your "Open your Bible and let God's word find you" experiences.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Total Excitement

Tonight is guys/girls night for The U! I am so excited!!!!

I spent the day cleaning my house and preparing to host the girls. I am like a teenager. I get so excited when I know that I get to spend time with the girls and female leaders from The U. We have so much fun together and laugh a lot.

Working with the youth staff at NWUMC has been an awesome experience. I have made many life-long friends, traveled the US, served alongside them, prayed with them, watched kids grow, pulled some shenanigans, and have truly been blessed.

Youth ministry is something I have been involved with for over 11 years. I am humbled that God chose me to be involved in the lives of so many teens. It is amazing and I have been changed because of it.

I encourage you all to find a ministry that you can be involved in. God did not make us to sit on our rumps and watch the world go by or let others do the ministry. He specifically calls us to get out there and do something. If you seek out
HIS direction, I hope that you can experience the "total excitement" of being in ministry.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Love this verse.

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."
-Matthew 5:14-16

What is a verse that you love? Whether you share it or not with all of us spend some time thinking about a favorite verse of yours today and keep it on the edge of your tongue and the top of your heart.

Lord, thank you for your word. Thanks for seeking after me to be a light for you in this dark world. I love you! Ahmen

Thursday, October 15, 2009

God's Love!

My husband and I have four adult children which does not seem possible. It seems like just yesterday they were all still at home and busy with all their activities at school and church. Life flies by when you are not looking and soon you have one child married with a wonderful wife and a beautiful daughter and the other three busy in their own lives going to college, working, and figuring out what it is like to on your own. One thing that is cool about having older children is seeing them as adults (knowing how they were as children) and spending time with them. It is almost like you're getting to know them all over again.

We have almost survived the college years with at times two in at the same time. We have helped move them each several times. A couple have had a few first jobs. I remember the beginning of one summer a few years back when we had a high school graduation, a college graduation, a wedding and one preparing to go on a 9 month mission trip. There's always something going on... Well, we are adding another thing to our list of life memories.... our youngest is engaged and planning her wedding for early next summer. It is very exciting. I went the other day to help her try on wedding dresses! She was feeling anxious to get that marked off her list and of course, the gal said most of the time you order your dress a year out from the wedding. Yikes! She only tried on a few and we were pleasantly surprised - she found one! We had planned to have a group going along like some have on the wedding dress show on television, the mother of the bride, the sister of the bride, the sister in laws of the bride, and the best friend but it was just me. Sorry, girls! The first couple dresses were very pretty but when she walked out in 'the one' you could just tell!!! Yes, I cried!! ( Side note: luckily it did not cost as much as the ones on the tv show. Our 'price point' was not $4000-$5000! Yikes again!!)

Which brings me to my point of this post - four different children, four different personalities and different stages and situations in life. Loving them all so much, still wanting to take care of them all, wanting to please them all, and not wanting them to be upset. Sometimes, we as humans make things harder on ourselves and on each other, don't we!! It makes me think about and wonder how my mother of eight does it and it makes me think about times when I've been upset with or at odds with some of my sisters and brothers. My poor Mom!! I'm ashamed of myself! But still I continue to let things bother me at times. I wonder what God thinks about it all. Actually, I think I know because he is constantly reminding me that I need to love - sometimes it is the hardest to love those closet to us.

I was reminded last night as I watched a Beth Moore video called "Loving Well" that first we need to allow God to love us well and then in turn to love others with His love that flows in and through us. She talked about the 'Joys' in our life that are easy to love, the 'Testy' people that challenge us to love them, those she called 'Far' who are those we meet in our daily life that we need to show God's love, and the hardest of all to love, the 'Foe', those that for some reason have hurt us beyond our comprehension. I struggle on a daily basis with the 'Testy' and 'Foe' in my life. I know I need to allow God's love to love those people until I can and I know that He will help me with this.

Another thing Beth said in another bible study was that we need to be encouragers of each other in these times. That 'the evil one' hopes we don't get along with our sisters or brothers, (our real families or even, our church families) and that he in a way wins when we choose to be upset or petty like we can be sometimes. I'm again challenging myself and you maybe, to love 'all' people with God's love. I'm reminded of 1 Corinthians 13 where it talks about what love looks like - it is something we all have to strive toward. Thank heaven God is willing to forgive us when we fail and continues to love us no matter what so we need to forgive others with that same love.

Prayer Update

I wasn't sure how to give this update. I wanted people to see it but wanted people to read Shan's post too. So, if you didn't read her awesome post yet...DO IT! And then hit your knees for Linda.

An update for prayers:
Linda is being given less pain medication, so that she can be more responsive to the doctors. This way they will be able to see more details on what effect the accident has had on her brain. Of course this also has to be incredibly hard for her as I can't imagine the pain. I know it would be difficult to see a family member suffer as well. She is still on a ventilator although she has been taking most breaths on her own. Hopefully this will be removed by the weekend. I cannot even count how many times I have said this but the truth is incredible to me. I can't imagine what that must feel like, my family and friends are so important to me. And I know that Linda is that important to Pat and the rest of her family too. Please pray for continued healing in Linda's body. For knowledge and wisdom of treatment for the doctors and nurses. And for peace of mind, strength and courage for Pat and her family. I know that God is there, we are praying for a miracle. Praying that Linda would come from this place just as vibrant, and lively as she was before. May God Bless them!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Stop and Sit a Spell

We had it all planned. A trip to Grandma's in Indy for the weekend and then we were headed down to Brown County for three days. We've never been to Brown County but I've been looking forward to going for a long time! We were excited about the leaves, hiking with G at the park, and going to the town of Nashville and going through all the cute shops (ok, I was probably the one excited there. Shane- not so much!). I was thrilled that my husband was taking some much needed time off of work and we were getting away.

The first part went wonderfully. We had a great time visiting Shane's mom. We spent time with his brother's family. We watched some tv while Grandma played with G. (before you think we are lazy.... we don't have cable so going to Grandma's is a treat!) and then it happened.... it started with a little runny nose, then a cranky baby.... then we realized that G had a full fledged cold.

We decided to stay at his mom's an extra day and see how she felt the next. We all literally spent that day in pajamas. Between the three of us, there were 5 naps had. We got our sleeping bags out and zipped them together and watched movies inside them. I read a book and took a bath.

The next day... no change. So it was another day at home for us. I was at first very disappointed. I took time away from responsibilities and commitments to go to Brown County but not to lay around all day. But as that day wore on, I realized that this was exactly the vacation we needed. Doing NOTHING but not being home where there is always SOMETHING to be done. We didn't rush around visiting new sites or spend our time hiking or being outdoors but it was instead a time where we were forced to just "be" I was able to spend some great time with God. We needed to be sidelined for a day or two just to relax. And Grace needed that time to recover.

I am so good at planning life... I have it all figured out and need it to go exactly how I've planned it. This week was a great lesson to me that I am not in control but SOMEONE so much more capable than me is. Thank you Lord that you have a plan for me. Thank you for the best family vacation (minus the sick child part!) that was better than we could have planned. Than you for knowing just what we need.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Prayer Request

I just got off the phone with Pat. The doctors are being somewhat encouraging about the status of Linda's head injuries. There will be more tests run in the morning to check the swelling and bleeding that her brain was showing today. We can be thankful that God has all of the family members to her safely and they are working well as a team to provide the best care for Linda. Of course with a head injury the next few scans and hours are precious. Please pray for continued healing in her brain and entire body. For strength as the family endures something that none of us want to experience. And that God's amazing healing powers and endless love would be revealed to and through this situation.
And finally as a side note, I would encourage all of you to call someone who you haven't talked to in a while and let them know that you are thankful for them and love them. Love you all, thanks for being prayer warriors for my friend.

First, thanks to Kristi for getting this online so quickly. We have since her from Pat that her sister, Linda has level 3 head injuries. The scale is 1-15; 1 being the one you don't want. Linda's children are with her at the hospital and responding to their voices by squeezing their hands. The next 72 hours are critical, please continue to pray.

Friends- I am writing on behalf of Monica this morning. She has a prayer request she would like to share with you all. Her boss, Pat, received a call this morning that we all dread to get. Pat's sister was in a terrible car accident and has a head injury. Monica asks that we lift up Pat's sister and their entire family in prayer. Monica will update this post when she has more information. Thanks you all for praying for her!


Dear Lord, we come to you in prayer for Pat's sister. Please heal her injuries and lessen her suffering. Please be with her family and comfort them in this stressful time. Make your presence known in their lives. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Living Honestly

What does it mean to live your life honestly? As a recovering people-pleaser, this is what it means to me:

*It is okay to have cruddy days and say so when people ask how I am doing--the plastic,painted-on smile is not healthy

*It is honorable to share my struggles with others -- so they can help and pray for me, and so I can in turn encourage people who are where I have been in the past

*God wants me to be transparent -- how can I be a good witness to His power if I don't show others how far He has carried me?

*That being honest DOES NOT mean I have the right to be a complainer or Debbie Downer

*I can pour out my heart to God and He listens

*That my friendships are deeper because they know the real me- good and bad

*My husband appreciates me being real and loves me for it

* I can be honest in a loving way

*The best way I can model honesty for my children is to live it every day

*Being real is allowing God to work through me--- asking Him to wash away the dull residue that accumulates on me and allow His glory to shine through me.

* I am free to be who God created me to be because of Jesus- Hallelujah!

These lyrics from "Free to Be Me" by Francesca Batestelli really hit home the freedom we have in Christ:

"I've got a couple dents in my fender, gotta couple rips on my jeans. Try to put the pieces together, but perfection is my enemy. On my own I'm so clumsy, but on your shoulders I can see, I'm free to be me."

The Lord says in 2nd Corinthians 12:9-10, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

And finally, since I am being entirely transparent to you, my blogging friends......I have to end on a light note...

I am currently composing this post wearing my daughter's hot pink Snuggie, which I vowed I would NEVER EVER own, and I have never been more cozy in my life!!!

How's that for some honesty!!! I am free to be my Snuggie-wearing self! No shame for me! Not one bit!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

My Desire

I've spent the past few weeks truly seeking out God every day. Some days, it is so hard to "feel" a connection or "feel" Him working. Tonight as I was working on my homework for our women's Bible study, I was listening to Jeremy Camp. My favorite song came on, My Desire. I want to share the lyrics with you all because it is my heart right now. I encourage you to listen to it if you've never heard it before.

My Desire
by: Jeremy Camp
You want to be real
You want to be empty inside
You want to be someone
laying down your pride
You want to be someone someday
Then lay it all down before the King
You want to be whole
You want to have purpose inside
You want to have virtue
and purify your mind
You want to be set free today
then lay it all down before the King

This is my desire
This is my return
This is my desire
to be used by you
You want to be real
You want to be emptied inside
And I know my heart
is to feel you near
And I know my life
It's to do your will
It's to do your will
All my life I have seen
where you've taken me
Beyond all I have hoped
and there's more left unseen
There's not much I can do
to repay all you'vedone
so I give my hands to use
Precious Jesus, it is my desire to be used BY you, FOR you, in whatever way YOU choose for me. Lord, continue to mold me and make me into the woman you want me to be. It is truly my heart's desire. Amen

Friday, October 9, 2009

Hello, is anybody out there?

There have been times in my life when I have found myself feeling totally alone. I think that occasionally we get that feeling because God is teaching us to rely more closely on him or to learn a certain lesson about how our relationship with Christ should look. There have been seasons in my life where my social circle needed a good sifting. God and I needed to get rid of all the negative distractions that kept me from Him.

So then why did I bring this up you ask? Well Shannon and I were talking today about the fact that we really have no idea who is reading this blog everyday/week/month.

And we are dying to know!!!

It's really not any other reason than that. I know that all the writers of this blog want this to be a community women....women who are searching and seeking just the same everyday to see the continued power and blessings of our one and only Savior. We want this blog to be a blessing to Christ and to the community of believers and seekers alike who need to work together to build each other up. I don't want anyone want to be in a place where they are not connected.

SO, with that all being said I would like to ask if those of you who are reading this blog to make a comment and let us know who you are. If you are not able to make a comment please send us an email Tell us a little about who you are, where you are from. We can't wait to get to know you all a little bit better. We dream about this blog being a way for all of us to communicate in a way that honors the God we serve.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Fall is HERE!

It's HERE. I don't think we can deny it any longer. Fall is here friends. The cold weather, wind, leaves changing and falling! I love fall. I love the colors, wearing sweaters, and all things pumpkin. I love having a hot drink in my hands and the fact that fall means CHRISTMAS is coming! (and just wait till I tell you how much I love Christmas!)

My one concern about fall is that as exciting as it is now... things outside go from brilliant red and orange to brown and grey. What is fun and exciting will soon become dreary and drab. Fall will fade into winter in the blink of an eye. And before I know it I'll be dreaming of green grass and daffodils and tulips.

Isn't it interesting that life goes in cycles like the seasons? We have great beautiful times that we love and then we go through a season of change and things look dark and bleak and we are longing for a spring time of our souls.

I'm hoping and believing that this year I'll work on appreciating each and every day. Last night some dear friends and I shared about asking God to show us his blessings each day. I think that my friend was right. If we ask for him to show us that means we'll have to be looking. If we practice this now in the season that is fun and exciting and new then in the winter times, the dark times it will be easier to seek out what God is doing in our lives.

I'm thinking of you all tonight. Praying for each of you. We are all in different seasons but I'm praying that you will find God's blessings wherever you are!

Monday, October 5, 2009

The Pink Sparrow

Hi blogging friends! Hope you had a fabulous weekend.... even though the weather was kind of yucky. Today was beautiful though! I love fall!!

Anyways, I just wanted to share with you a new blog that my sister started just a few days ago (my other sister and I are contributors as well.) It a blog dedicated to sharing great recipes and home decorating ideas. It all started because the three of us sisters are always asking each other for the food recipes we bring to family gatherings, and all three of us are in stages of painting rooms in our houses, so we also share paint colors! Jenn brought up the idea of starting a blog to share these ideas with each other and with family and friends as well!

Check out Lori posted a recipe today, and we hope to share with you lots of fun ideas for around the house as well. Happy blogging! I will have a more inspirational post for you next week!!!


Friday, October 2, 2009

Knee Deep

I have been spending a lot of time today thinking about what I would post. I like it much better when a post just comes pouring out of my fingertips...but today, it's not so easy. And maybe it's selfish but today I just need your prayers. I have spent the last 10 months of my life running from a situation and God has brought it right back and set it before me. I can hear Him saying "let's deal with this and move on."

But I can't get myself there
I know that it's time, it was time a long while ago, but I am afraid that what I have to do to move passed this seems impossible to my human head and heart. I am being called by my creator to love my enemies and it's an uncomfortable place for me. I have gone from standing on the shore line to about knees in and God is calling me to dive in the rest of the way.
But I can't get myself there
I need you. I know what you are asking me to do and I know it's time but I can't get myself there. Will you come take my hand and walk with me. I know you will and that you have already met me here and I need you to be my guide the rest of the way. Honestly, I am scared and humanly I don't want to love my foe...but if it's your desire for my life and it will please you I am ready to try, I think. Pour your perfect love into my imperfect heart and help me to get there. To love with your love and to please your heart; it's my soul's desire. Ahmen

Thursday, October 1, 2009

On My Knees

Ok, we are in the middle of our Stepping Up Bible study. For those of you doing it, how is it going getting "down"? I wanted to share with you a bit of how my journey is going.

A few times, before starting the study, I would get on my bed, get myself all arranged and then realized I didn't do it. I contemplated just skipping that step but then Beth's words would come back to me "you'll need to get down before you can go up". So on the floor I would go.

Sometimes, it's just a few minutes. Sometimes it's longer. Last week on a especially stressful day, I just breathed my prayers to Him. "Lord, I have this and this and this today... and this... and this... and I need you for it all" On a few days I had some strong burdens for a couple of good friends and I spent time talking to God about their needs.

What am I finding about this specified time on my knees? I am learning that it's making me VERY aware of how much I need him every day. I wake up in the mornings, and breathe out a prayer to Him. My worship in church is richer- a true prayer for Him. My willingness to take my burdens and hurts to him is so much more.

All in all. I love it. I want to incorporate it into my EVERY day prayer life, not just for this study. I'm also using my little photo album again. When I find a verse that speaks to me I'm writing it down on an index card and then putting it into a small photo album where I can flip to it when I need it.

This last week it was this verse for me:
You hem me in-behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me Ps. 139:5

Someone in our class shared this verse two weeks ago (thanks B!) and it was great, but when we got to it in our study this last week- it hit me. When someone is hurting, sad... what do we do when we have no words to comfort? We just touch them-a hug or a hand on their shoulder. Envisioning the Maker of ALL putting his hand upon me brought me to tears. It was a great time of healing for me. He IS with us friends. Walking this journey with us every day.

So... on my knees and in His word. That's where I am right now. What about you?