Seeing Clearly

I've got a ton of thoughts going through my head... lots of mixed feelings. First of all for some of you who don't know- we're going to have a baby! Number 2 is due at the end of August. We are overjoyed and thrilled about adding to our family.

It seems like in the past year we've gone through a ton of changes. We had a miscarriage, we've had changes to our jobs, added new responsibilities in our church, we've had sick family members, deaths in our families, changes in our church, an earthquake the completely devastated an island that I love, and now the upcoming change of a new baby.

Some this last year has been wonderful. It's been full of blessings and joy and excitement. I've loved watching my daughter grow. I've enjoyed doing ministry with my friends and husband. I have felt so blessed to be a part of sharing God's love to others. But other times the heartaches were/are overwhelming. Whether it's my pain or the pain of loved ones or those around me- it's hard. Today those heartaches seem to be all at the surface.

So last night when I should have been posting I laid in bed and thought of this verse.

1 Corinthians 13:12 (New International Version)

¹²Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

This is speaking to me so well today. I feel like I'm looking in a dirty fogged up mirror and trying to make sense of what I see. I just cant. I can't figure out why bad things happen. I can't understand why there is so much pain and suffering. I can't see why changes are good and how they are going to be great in the long run. I just want to have the mirror cleared off so I can get it. You know? I'm sure that some of you are relating. We all have things that happen to us where we say "Really? Seriously God? Why? Why is this happening? Why am I hurting so bad? Why do I/we have to go through this"

We won't figure it out friends. We won't ever know why some babies don't make their way to us but others we hold in our arms . We won't know why a heartache that threatens to crush us was brought into our lives or why we are seemingly bombarded with one problem after another. We just won't know... the mirror is clouded.

But... There's a but! This verse says that even though now things don't make sense there will be a time. A time when we stand with our Savior and when we can see the plan that he has set in place for us. The mirror will be crystal clear. We will know just as we are fully known. I love that. He knows our hearts and our fears and our joys and our pain. He's walking this road with us and someday we'll be able to look back at it with him and just smile.

Thank you my great God for walking this path with me. Thank you for holding me when I cry and hurt and for celebrating with me when I am joyful. Oh God, I'm so glad that you promise me a time when the mirror will be clear and I'll be able to see and understand. I praise you for your plan for my life and for never leaving me along.