Sunday, May 10, 2009

What's Wrong with Me?

Tuesday night was bad for me. Tuesday night I hit rock bottom. I cried and cried for almost 2 hours straight. I mean the crying where you can't breathe, can't see, can't stop weeping. I found myself feeling helpless, hopeless, doubtful, fearful, frustrated, alone, and tired.

And then the nagging question pops into my head, "What's wrong with me?"

The question wasn't just in regards to the crying. It was also due to struggling with losing weight - why can't I? Why am I still single? Why do people not "notice" me? What's wrong with me?

I seem to be a fairly confident, happy person. Truth be told..I really (I mean REALLY) struggle to like myself. This always comes as a shock to those who know me, but it is true. It isn't something I am proud of, but it is a huge part of me.

I went to bed Tuesday night, cried myself to sleep, got up Wednesday, and the question still lingered. I had emailed 2 close friends just to be in prayer for me.

Wednesday, God spoke to me! He answered my questions ("What's wrong with me?") Here is what he said: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" (Jeremiah 29:11) It was on the coffee mug that I used Wednesday morning - given to me by a dear friend. What's wrong with me is that I have not been resting in these words. I have not been trusting that God is in control, he knows my heart, he knows my desires, and he has my best.

Sure I have some stuff to work through, wrestle with, turn over to Jesus - WHO DOESN'T! But in answer to the question, "What's wrong with me?" - I am too quick to focus on ME and not focus on God.

I realize that Monica also had this verse in her post. Amazing how one verse can speak differently. Please share if you have a scripture that speaks to you...I always love hearing.

1 comment:

  1. Dina, I too struggle with some of the same thing you do! When I get into these times I try to flip the question. Why aren't I losing weight?...Maybe I should go take a walk. It doesn't always do the trick but maybe it will help you sometimes! Thanks for the great scripture I think I am going to write this one down and keep somewhere easy to get to!